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ho hum...

life is so unreal sometimes. too good to be true. too horrible to be true. whatever. its amazing how quickly things can change. how people can. how people can be. how they can lie, BASTARD!! im not going into detail on this, because whoever needs to read this, already knows the story. i still love him, and i hate myself for that. regardless of everything that he did, and went on, i cant stop loving him. i mean, i hate the fucker, and have every desire possible to run him over with my car, but love... ehh. and its a shame, because it could have been perfect, and would have been, except for one little problem... HIM. ahh, well... thats ok. i cant be with him anymore, and have no desire what so ever to. but i dont know if ill ever stop loving him... at least some part of me. you know what they say, you never stop loving your first love. im seeing for myself that it is unfortunately true. i just wish i could get the happy moments we had out of my head. whoever said that should be drug out to the middle of the road and shot, along with the first love... *smile*

im making an attempt to be friends with michael and hes surprisingly going along with it. he doesnt hate me, for some reason. even though he has every right to. i think he still loves me actually. we're going to give the whole "friend" thing a try, so, we'll see how that goes...

i got to see mah baggily boo today. it was great. shes the bestest to talk to. id even marry her... not cause i like her a lot, but I LOVE HER!!! lol...

im currently taking applications for the boyfriend position. guitar players, and/or any instruments, huge plus, *wink, wink*...any takers?? lol. apply within... ;)

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
cailin_t
Jul. 5th, 2005 04:23 am (UTC)
"regardless of everything that he did, and went on, i cant stop loving him. i mean, i hate the fucker, and have every desire possible to run him over with my car, but love... ehh."

trust me, i totally get that.

i didn't realize this guy was who you're considering your first love though! i'd have guessed chuck, or if not then mike - i mean, jesus, you were going to MARRY the guy!!! (but fuck, what does marriage mean anyway - )

as for the application.. i play the piano! i don't have a penis though.. is that a problem? :(
acoustica
Jul. 5th, 2005 11:07 pm (UTC)
chuck, no way in hell. i wasnt in love with him like andrew. everything with him was so different (oh, and we (andrew) were talking about marriage too, lol. thank fuckin god that fell through...ugh). and the same with mike. i loved them both, but nothing like ass, i mean andrew. i mean, i guess i really had nothing to "compare" chuck and mike to. they were both basically the same (i mean the way i felt). until i met him... then my eyes were opened to a totally new and awesome experience. love. FUCKIN A!!!
acoustica
Jul. 5th, 2005 11:09 pm (UTC)
ohh, but you DO have a penis... two words... TERRA-COTTA DILDO!!!
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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